Friendship Conundrums

I don't trust people. There, I said it. It is a hard thing to admit to, and a harder thing to deal with. I have been pondering friendships lately and wondering what kind of person makes a friend like God wants us to be. What is a "God" kind of friendship? I know that we are to strive to be like Jesus, to love one another. Jesus had a purpose on earth, but I am not sure it was to be friends with everyone. He lived out his life for God and carried out His purposes. I know He stopped to eat and fellowship with others, and that he was loving and friendly, no doubt.  I really feel baffled by this friendship thing.

I see many different kinds of friendships out there. There are shopping friends. Facebook friends. Next door neighbor friends. Casual friends.  There seem to be the kind that call each other with every change of the tides and share every last detail of life with one another. There seem to be friends that thrive on drama and nonsense, crying and then hugging and so on. I don't say this judgmental..I too have done this crying and hugging and then laughing.  I notice what seems to be "friends to your face" kind of friendships. Those are the kinds where people are nice to one another and have great camaraderie for a while and then with great hugs and waves good-bye, move on to the next friend with tidbits of gossip about the last one. I know a lot of people that are truly loving and kind, but they don't seem to be caught up in the drama, nor do they go on gossiping about the last person they heard from. They don't come across with a prideful, know-it all, judge the world attitude, and yet, they do not have "best" friends either. This leaves me baffled.

My latest conclusion of this dilemma is that though it would be great to have that "best" friend with whom I share my shoes with and laugh over lipstick application at the bathroom mirrors, for now it may not be for me. I desire to continue to become more of a friend that God would want me to be. I want to learn as I relate to my children, and my husband, and my family. I want to become closer to Jesus and hopefully become more like Him. The trust issue...that is something God is working on in me. In the meantime, I will be busy in my home focusing on my priorities and trying to love others well in my life, and if best girlfriends don't come along in my lifetime, that is okay as long as I have my Jesus.

My desire for closeness with people grows. I would love to share life with another woman, with out the bitter jealousy or judgment. I would love to share ideas, recipes, joys and sorrows. To have someone to hold hands with and pray with would be grand. To have a friendship void of the pretense and the fears would be wonderful, but is it realistic? I plan on trying to practice these things one at a time and even if Female Superfriend never comes along, I want to enjoy life with my Superfriend who knows me best and loves me to the heavens and back.

I am processing life and trying to figure things out. I mean no judgement on anyone and am thankful for all of you in my life, and desire a deeper closeness with any friend I do have. Enjoy your Superfriend too. May we all be more like Him. Melissa