Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The little girl inside

I have been reading the book Captivating written by John and Stasi Eldredge. It has been very helpful to my heart. I love how it explains the needs of a woman's heart beginning from the days when we were little girls. One thing I have learned is that life is messy. It is one great reason we need God. From the beginning of life we have deep needs in our hearts and very soon after life begins we realize that those needs are not able to be met by the people in our lives. Some times those people in our lives try their very best to meet our needs. Life, being what it is, brings tragedy, sadness, and sin in its many painful forms. As women, our needs just go unmet. Our hearts ache with longing and fill with sadness.

Two nights ago I dreamed that I was sitting in my kindergarten classroom as an adult, looking on as little Melissa was sitting in her desk. She looked so small, so innocent. She was one of those girls you just couldn't resist hugging. She looked so lost and there was a sadness behind those big eyes. I, as the adult, sat down and began to deeply sob. I am not sure entirely what this dream was all about, but I know that it was good for me to grieve for the way that life did not turn out quite like us little girls dream of. I have always been so hard on my self, so down on myself regarding my failures. To look upon that little girl and her lost hopes and dreams, her heart that was wounded, I began to have some compassion. I wanted to hold her, smooth her white/blonde hair, and comfort her. It gives me great comfort to know that my Saviour does that for me. He holds me, strokes my hair and comforts my heart. He knows all the deep needs of my heart and all that has occurred in my life and longs to soothe my soul. He provides all my needs. He is my heaven here in this messy world. I am so lost without Him and am so eternally grateful for His saving love and mercy.