Let's Wear Our Real Skin

Women hurt. I am sure of that. I have a heart for women that hurt. Women do so much in the world around them and touch so many lives. They can have an amazing impact on people's lives. I have lived through, and have seen how the pain in a woman's heart can cause so much damage. If pain and disappointment are not dealt with, damaging behaviors and thought patterns can begin. The true source of help and comfort lies in the arms of Jesus, but too often we women try to fix things in our lives. Sometimes that could be called micro-managing, controlling...maybe. I know for me it was.

I have gone through my own junk in life, and have felt a lot of pain. I lived in blissful ignorance for a long time, trying to be perfect, tried to perfect my environment, and then depression came in. Following depression came eating disorders, and more followed that. I am aware that my story is not a lone event. There are others. There are other homeschool mothers, bread baking housewives, and passionate Christian women who fall under the deadly trap that pain can be. 

I desire to see women open up and share more about our life stories. Why do we always feel the need to show a perfect view of ourselves? Why do we not share from our hearts...always holding back? We are in this together...we are all in this world, facing sin and dealing with our own disappointments. I believe if we let down our pretenses and begin to be real, we could really make a lot of change. We mothers who are working so hard, trying to become perfect can be positively or negatively impacting our children to affect the next generation of believers. I truly desire that we live in our real skins, talk openly, and heal fully. I commit to being a part of that in other's lives, as well as my own.

How can we practically do this? I will blog more about this tomorrow with some of my own perspective's idea of how to heal.

~Melissa

Competitive Children

Competitive? Me? I never used to think that I was. Once I had children, I did not want them getting involved with organized sports, thinking that a competitive spirit was not good to develop in them. Time has passed now, and the reality of parenting has settled in. We will ALL be competitive whether we want to or not.

 We are in a race the Bible says. We need to always be on our toes to fight the enemy, at least to be watchful. Competition is a fact of life. There is competition in many parts of life...college, trying out for plays or sports, interviews for jobs, among other things. Those are parts of life that we must face and learn how to deal with while we are young. I think that as parents, we need to help guide the competitive spirit, help our children to have self control, and encourage them to be gracious and humble when losing becomes a sad fact for them. Sports for children offer a great way to learn team work, and goal setting.

 [Check out Make Life Meaningful Monday. My friend Michelle, shares her thoughts about goal setting and its importance in life. She inspired me to write this blog entry, and is also helping me along with learning about blogging. (Thanks Michelle!)]

All of that to say...so far, my children have not been part of any organized sports. It requires a little creativity, not to mention a good savings plan, to enable my children to be involved in sports. Unfortunately it is costly to do, when there are five children who all want to participate. I have it on my heart and mind (and bank account), to make this work for the following school year.

In the meantime, while our finances are establishing, we are encouraging our children to set some goals and compete in 4-H. My children love 4-H. They do compete on county and state levels, but mostly they compete against themselves. Against themselves? Procrastination, laziness, or lack of creativity or preparation are some of the most common setbacks that homeschool children can suffer when it comes to competitive activities. 4-H encourages children to step up, and battle those internal issues in order to win, to receive a ribbon, and to be able to compete on the next level. There are many other reasons why I love 4-H, and I could go on, but will stop here for now. If anyone is interested in more information about 4-H, or have questions about it, please comment and I will be happy to answer.

Again, Thanks to Michelle Changed by the Maker for inspiring the blog idea.  ~~~Melissa

Friendship Conundrums

I don't trust people. There, I said it. It is a hard thing to admit to, and a harder thing to deal with. I have been pondering friendships lately and wondering what kind of person makes a friend like God wants us to be. What is a "God" kind of friendship? I know that we are to strive to be like Jesus, to love one another. Jesus had a purpose on earth, but I am not sure it was to be friends with everyone. He lived out his life for God and carried out His purposes. I know He stopped to eat and fellowship with others, and that he was loving and friendly, no doubt.  I really feel baffled by this friendship thing.

I see many different kinds of friendships out there. There are shopping friends. Facebook friends. Next door neighbor friends. Casual friends.  There seem to be the kind that call each other with every change of the tides and share every last detail of life with one another. There seem to be friends that thrive on drama and nonsense, crying and then hugging and so on. I don't say this judgmental..I too have done this crying and hugging and then laughing.  I notice what seems to be "friends to your face" kind of friendships. Those are the kinds where people are nice to one another and have great camaraderie for a while and then with great hugs and waves good-bye, move on to the next friend with tidbits of gossip about the last one. I know a lot of people that are truly loving and kind, but they don't seem to be caught up in the drama, nor do they go on gossiping about the last person they heard from. They don't come across with a prideful, know-it all, judge the world attitude, and yet, they do not have "best" friends either. This leaves me baffled.

My latest conclusion of this dilemma is that though it would be great to have that "best" friend with whom I share my shoes with and laugh over lipstick application at the bathroom mirrors, for now it may not be for me. I desire to continue to become more of a friend that God would want me to be. I want to learn as I relate to my children, and my husband, and my family. I want to become closer to Jesus and hopefully become more like Him. The trust issue...that is something God is working on in me. In the meantime, I will be busy in my home focusing on my priorities and trying to love others well in my life, and if best girlfriends don't come along in my lifetime, that is okay as long as I have my Jesus.

My desire for closeness with people grows. I would love to share life with another woman, with out the bitter jealousy or judgment. I would love to share ideas, recipes, joys and sorrows. To have someone to hold hands with and pray with would be grand. To have a friendship void of the pretense and the fears would be wonderful, but is it realistic? I plan on trying to practice these things one at a time and even if Female Superfriend never comes along, I want to enjoy life with my Superfriend who knows me best and loves me to the heavens and back.

I am processing life and trying to figure things out. I mean no judgement on anyone and am thankful for all of you in my life, and desire a deeper closeness with any friend I do have. Enjoy your Superfriend too. May we all be more like Him. Melissa

New Discoveries

A few years ago, I was so exhausted. I was broken and completely empty. Any part that resembled "me" was gone. God has used all of that for good in my life. Coming to the end of "myself" has been so good for me. I truly thank God for what He has done, and is doing even now.

At that time, I could not even read a sentence and remember what it said. Watching movies was completely purposeless. I could not remember any appointments and forgot whether I had even showered that day. I am thankful for the opportunity to learn again. I am able to read again and retain information!! I remember details and conversations!!

This past weekend, I read three books about Ancient China, am learning how to watercolor paint, have started blogging again, and not only remember things, but am able to begin to think ahead and plan. I am enjoying the ability to organize and do things for others outside my home. I am enjoying the chance to randomly think of others and how they might be doing in life. I feel free. I feel like a load of bricks has been taken off my back.

I am enjoying my chance to explore new things. Learning about blogging, and Pinterest can be a bit time consuming but is oh so fun. It makes my every day life a fun hobby. I hope any readers are able to enjoy new things in their life. If not, please know you are not alone. God bless, Melissa

If At First You Fail...

Try, try again!

It has been a year since blogging and I have been inspired to begin again. My husband says I could write books and books, but I will begin with blogging. I am sure I have said this before, but opening up and speaking about my life is something of a roadblock for me. I feel that God wants to work in me and also use me in some way through this blog. I anticipate many good things.

My family has changed a lot over the past year. Two of my sons now tower over me in height. I feared these teenage days so much, but so far I find that they are very enjoyable. Did I say time consuming?  Ha! Truthfully, I learn so much from them daily, and desire to be a better person. They inspire me and challenge me and bless me. My oldest is going to be 15 "in 44 days," he just told me. Then I have a 13 year old. Next comes the 11 year old, my 9 year old and finally my 2 and a half year old.  We have a mix of Toby Mac, Math Quizzes, random scientific trivia, loud singing in the shower, and Thomas the Train all thrown in our every day. We are enjoying life and I desire to share a little with you. Hope to see more of you. Feel free to comment if you wish.
Melissa

This breaks my heart...how can we help? 

The little girl inside

I have been reading the book Captivating written by John and Stasi Eldredge. It has been very helpful to my heart. I love how it explains the needs of a woman's heart beginning from the days when we were little girls. One thing I have learned is that life is messy. It is one great reason we need God. From the beginning of life we have deep needs in our hearts and very soon after life begins we realize that those needs are not able to be met by the people in our lives. Some times those people in our lives try their very best to meet our needs. Life, being what it is, brings tragedy, sadness, and sin in its many painful forms. As women, our needs just go unmet. Our hearts ache with longing and fill with sadness.

Two nights ago I dreamed that I was sitting in my kindergarten classroom as an adult, looking on as little Melissa was sitting in her desk. She looked so small, so innocent. She was one of those girls you just couldn't resist hugging. She looked so lost and there was a sadness behind those big eyes. I, as the adult, sat down and began to deeply sob. I am not sure entirely what this dream was all about, but I know that it was good for me to grieve for the way that life did not turn out quite like us little girls dream of. I have always been so hard on my self, so down on myself regarding my failures. To look upon that little girl and her lost hopes and dreams, her heart that was wounded, I began to have some compassion. I wanted to hold her, smooth her white/blonde hair, and comfort her. It gives me great comfort to know that my Saviour does that for me. He holds me, strokes my hair and comforts my heart. He knows all the deep needs of my heart and all that has occurred in my life and longs to soothe my soul. He provides all my needs. He is my heaven here in this messy world. I am so lost without Him and am so eternally grateful for His saving love and mercy.